


and i'm alone

by remipachu



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, Character Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-24 03:47:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18563296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/remipachu/pseuds/remipachu
Summary: “Sister. I am going to be a school idol!”Nine words. With those nine words, the exact reason you feel the way you do came crashing down on you.(written before the reveal of the third years' backstory)





	and i'm alone

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written during the airing of season 1 of Love Live! Sunshine!!, right after episode Episode 4 aired. Of course, this means it was written before we found out the actual reason Dia didn't like school idols. Please keep this in mind when reading it.

“Sister. I am going to be a school idol!”

Nine words. With those nine words, the exact reason you feel the way you do came crashing down on you.

In the moment, you simply stared Ruby in the face. A look of fear, of shock, of anger, of maybe even sadness crossed your countenance, but you swallowed your pride and nodded. Accepted that there would be no changing this. Now, you’ve just turned around to march home, trying to keep from breaking down as you go.

By the time you finally, finally reach your room, you’re choking back tears. Just when you thought you had finally gotten over those feelings, Ruby had to go and ruin it. Stupid, stupid Ruby--

No. It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t know. For all she knew, you had suddenly begun to hate school idols as soon as you entered high school. She never knew that the real reason was yourself. Everything you had imposed on yourself before -- traditionalism, perfectionism, grace, elegance -- none of those befitted what you really wanted. What you really, truly desired in your heart was… It was…

You can hardly admit it to yourself even now. That you want to be a school idol. It’s so unlike you, or at least the you everyone else knows. Ever since μ’s made their debut, they were an inspiration to you. They came from a small school too! -- no matter that they were really from Tokyo, Akihabara even -- and maybe, just maybe, you could be like them. Everyone would love you. You might even be able to escape the rigorous schedule your family has you on, just so you can be the perfect heiress.

But therein lies another problem. Your heart has two different directions it wants to go in. Of course, you’re immensely proud to be the heiress of the Kurosawa family. Being who you are and being capable, even excelling at what you need to do brings you a sense of pride and accomplishment that little else does. However, you feel free when you sing and dance to songs by school idols. You feel as if you can leave the small life that was given to you, one that no matter how well you may wind up leading the family, you could never escape otherwise. Sometimes, it’s choking, it’s overwhelming, and it feels like there’s nothing to do to escape insignificance.

When you entered high school, you chose to leave those frivolous thoughts behind. You were almost an adult, it seemed, and you felt like you needed to face reality. So you shoved your μ’s posters as far into your closet as they could go, deleted their songs, and pushed them out of your mind. You even went as far as to tell Ruby as you headed out for orientation to throw away the school idol magazine she held and loved so dearly. She probably thought you had just changed for the worse, but little did she know you cried on the way to Uranohoshi that day.

You hate yourself for it. There’s nothing else to be said. You’re imperfect, the traditionalism you tried so hard to upkeep doesn’t fit in, nothing makes you happy anymore--

You hear a knock at your door. Freezing in place, you decide to wait.

“Sister… I’m sorry. But I really want this, and I can’t let anything hold me back anymore. So, thank you for letting me be a school idol.”

You hear footsteps leaving your door. The tears pool in your eyes again.

Maybe someday, that kind of happiness will come to you too.


End file.
